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Your sex drive vs. your desire of picking up women

Some days ago a reader pointed me to Blackdragon’s blog. That is a guy I first encountered on the old mASF forum about a decade ago. I don’t have the impression that he’s stupid, but I always had the impression that his priorities are a bit odd. For one, back then he insisted on solely using online dating, even though the yield is rather abysmal. If you want to get laid and live in a city with plenty of young women, then club game is where it’s at. Every night you go out, you’ll get to choose from hundreds of nubile women. Okay, it’s not quite like that, but compared to swiping on Tinder for hours, it’s probably a more efficient approach to dating and mating if your foundations are in order.

I don’t intend to bash online dating (yup, I’m sitting on a draft of a book on that topic). Instead, I’d like to draw attention to the issue of frequency of sex and how it relates to picking up women. Blackdragon won’t be the main focus of this article, though. Here is what he wrote on his sexual needs in an article with the title A Typical Week In My Life:

5:00pm – More (…) coaching calls for about an hour, then I plan out the week, noting when I need to exercise, appointments (business or otherwise), when I’m going to have sex (I need to have sex about three times a week for maximum happiness), which tasks need to be done this week, and which projects I want to focus on.

Let’s ignore the utterly Asperger-like approach to sex that consists in planning one week in advance how often and when to do it. If I wasn’t vaguely familiar with Blackdragon’s writing, I’d assume this was a joke. (It is not.) I’d say a healthier approach is to fuck when you want to fuck, not because it’s written down in your schedule. For instance, one perk of having a girlfriend is that you can have sex spontaneously. You don’t have to say to your girlfriend, “It’s 17:45, so pull down your panties and engage in 25 minutes of hanky-panky followed by penetrative sex that has to be concluded by 18:30!” Nope, instead you “do a Trump” and grab her by the pussy because she’s dying to have sex with you again anyway.

The issue is frequency. Blackdragon is, by his own admission, an “Alpha 2.0” and dating coach who has built a huge ego around his supposed ability to pull women, albeit with an awful lot of effort. He wants to have sex three times a week and spends how many fucking hours on that? I don’t even get why he writes book after book on dating if his sex drive is so low. That is not all. Blackdragon advocates having a fuckbuddy alongside a steady girlfriend, which presumably means you fuck your girlfriend twice a week, and your fuckbuddy once. What’s that supposed to be good for? I could come up with an armchair psychologist’s explanation for his behavior, but that does not change the fact that his goals seem severely misaligned if he goes the extra mile of seeing multiple girls when he barely wants to have sex. Here is a hint: Blackdragon cares a lot more about validation than sex. Furthermore, he seems to care as much about validation from men than women.

Now we have spent enough time on Blackdragon. We’ll move on to discussing sex drive and how it relates to picking up women. I have spent about two years doing little else than partying and banging girls. I held a full-time job for a grand total of three months during that time. Otherwise, I used my monthly allowance (thanks again, dad!) on food, rent, condoms, and cover charge. Pathetic you say? Nah, it was really great fun all around. I fucked so much I once went to a doctor to check out my cock as it seemed to be in a somewhat unhealthy state, and was told that I should refrain from sex for a while until my foreskin looked normal again. No, I didn’t catch an STD. I simply had way too much sex. I was also given a brochure on sex addiction. Admittedly, I probably was a bit of a sex addict back then. In fact, when I thought I should get my life back on track, I went cold turkey for a while, and the immense willpower I had built through years upon years of meditation was a great help in that regard.

You may find it absurd, but one big reason for seeing other girls alongside a main girl was that my main girls normally didn’t want to have as much sex as me. I bang some chick three times between noon and lunch and then she says she’s getting sore and doesn’t feel like it. Well, what’s sex-addicted Aaron going to do? Exactly, calling a fuckbuddy over. For some time I was dating a genuine nympho who used to hang out entire days with me before she disappeared for a while. I used to bang her five or six times a day for a few days in a row. She wore me out so much that I just didn’t have any energy left for any of my fuckbuddies.

If you’re young and horny and don’t work, it’s quite doable to have sex multiple times a day without any problem at all. I burnt out in regular intervals, but to get back on track (or not), I spent some time hanging out with friends, watching movies, or just reading. This normally lasted not very long because I would inevitably get a message from one of the girls I was casually seeing, asking whether I’d like to “hang out”, or some of my player friends were checking up on me. Those nights often led to me dragging some horny chick into some dingy bathroom stall in a shady club. It’s like with Michael Corleone in The Goodfather III: “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.”

I don’t want to imply that this was a particularly proud time of my life. Still, it’s not as if I regret this period of utter debauchery. The reason I mention this, however, is that there was a clear justification for why I spent so much time on picking up women: I thought I had to catch up after I managed to mentally free myself from the influence of my parents and their overly restrictive upbringing. That was just one part of the puzzle. The other was that I just wanted to have lots and lots of sex. I also wanted variety. If you only want to have sex, then that isn’t such a difficult goal. You could just fuck a whore. Alternatively, fuck a slut. For the former, you need money, for the latter, be in shape and have plenty of spare time. (Having a flexible schedule is great if you’re seeing a slut who is fucking you behind the back of her boyfriend.)

When you read about guys wanting to have multiple fuckbuddies, I’d ask myself first what their motivation is. There are of course exceptions where guys have a very high sex drive or are genuinely addicted to sex. Quite often, and this is an aspect I encountered a lot in the PUA community, those men are a lot more concerned about validation from women and sometimes did not even care so much about sex. I think that Blackdragon precisely fits that pattern.

As a takeaway, I’d say you should not delude yourself about your true goals. Is it sex or is it merely validation? To go back to Blackdragon: seeing that he only wants to have sex three times a week, but with two different women, it’s clear that sex isn’t really the issue. His main girl is supposedly okay with him fucking other chicks, so how about just plunking down a little bit of cash instead of bothering with picking up women? Surely the time it takes managing all those spreadsheets is worth more than the bit of cash a whore charges. On that note, with some of my clients I did quite a bit of soul searching as I have encountered a few guys who ended up realizing that they enjoyed the hunt much more than actually having sex — this is the logical conclusion if you only want to have sex with an attractive woman only once, or if your motivation disappears when you realize that you could fuck her. So, how much sex do you really want, and how many women are supposed to provide it?


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9 thoughts on “Your sex drive vs. your desire of picking up women

  1. This is probably one of the funniest articles you’ve written in a while.

    Speaking of Blackdragon, I was actually reading some of his archived articles about four or five months back. The guy’s philosophy on managing the women on your life was pretty depressing. Like how you must only be involved in open relationships or you’re a beta and stuff.

    Also, the 3 times a week ritualistic sex bit and how if you’re not having sex at least that much then you’re going to end up causing yourself physical and mental degradation or some shit. He points to Maslow’s hierachry of needs to prove that sex is a vital necessity, and states that merely spanking off isn’t going to cut it. Idk, it all seems unfounded.

    Yea, I realize this post wasn’t meant to be all about Blackdragon. However, I can relate with the whole thrill of the hunt thing.

  2. Great post, Aaron. Thank you for hitting on one of the biggest reasons I am single.

    One notices that something like 80% of marriages experience a libido mismatch, and something like 30% have enough of a mismatch to significantly stress the marriage. Contrary to what the femstream media claims, the mismatch overwhelmingly runs in the direction of the man wanting it (sometimes much) more than the woman.

    The vast majority of healthy men have far more sex drive than the vast majority of healthy women. It is simple biology. The woman with the highest libido in the world might be able to outdo 95% of men, but the man with the highest libido in the world eats her for lunch (pun not intended). Even in the very rare example of true “nymphos” as you called them, a woman’s anatomy is simply not capable of the refractory time as a man’s.

    I suspect that the libido gap is how polygyny evolved. Wealthy, powerful men were able to find a workaround to their wife not being in the mood as much as they were.

  3. BD is moving in with his GF. It remains to be seen if his “Alpha 2.0” frame will endure. He has, of course, thoroughly vetted this girl. She’s special. She’s different from all the others.

    1. Is that really true? I vaguely recall him talking about live-in girlfriends back on mASF who were oh-so special, just as he has been talking about leaving the US soon. On that note, he’s still talking about relocating and has gotten a bit more concrete, too. I read that he wants to get two additional passports, which is a lot more difficult than he seems to believe.

    2. I read the Blackdragon blog from time to time. I believe he’s getting married to that gf. Wonder how that will play out – his gf is apparently all cool with him having these ‘friends with benefits’. Hopefully he marries in a state (I believe’s American) where divorce laws are favorable to men (if that could ever happen!)

      I like Aaron’s assessment of Blackdragon. While he does talk some good points, like with any “guru”, take one’s advice/opinions with a grain of salt.

      I mean, Blackdragon says you shouldn’t get laid using hookers; rather you should develop your ‘alpha male 2.0’ so that you have ladies wanting you. But i mean, if sex is a hurdle, wouldn’t it be better to get it over with? Or if you are busy and truly want sex instead of validation, just use a hooker (er, classy call girl)??

  4. (I don’t intend to bash online dating.) Why not? Tinder and other dating apps are useless. There isn’t a single female profile with a real life representative photo. They all look 3 points hotter than in real life. Most women only get inflated ego’s from all the compliments that all the betta pussy beggars give them. And non of the 9s and 10s are on Tinder anyway. I would say that these dating apps had a enormous negative effect on dating. And a enormous negative effect on women in general. I would never even touch a woman that has a Tinder profile. I consider them cheap low value sluts with inflated ego’s. The fact that a woman has a Tinder profile is a deal breaker for me. I really don’t understand why men use these apps. There are no really hot women on there. You’ll have to compete with thousands of other men for low quality women. The women only look half as hot in real life. And it takes all the fun out of the game. Game gives a feeling like hunting. Tinder feels like ordering a low quality pizza.

    1. ^^^”While he does talk some good points, like with any “guru”, take one’s advice/opinions with a grain of salt.”

      To clarify, I was meant that one should take Blackdragon’s advice/opinions with a grain of salt.

  5. Ive only visited Blackdragons blog once or twice, so I cant attest to his personality or likely goals. But I always liked a little of variety, so thats why I like seeing different girls. Some will do stuff others wont and vice versa.

    Perhaps one wont do blowjobs but likes dressing up and playing out fantasies. Another does threesomes but wont do anal. Another loves anal but wont do threesomes.

    As to sex drive, I know age plays a role (I’m early 30s) but based on your description it seems I have a low sex drive. If I fuck more than twice a week I start getting bored of sex.

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