Equinox leaks 150m private data sets; CIO is female diversity hire

By now we know that women are better than men when it comes to tech. Meg Whitman has turned Hewlett-Packard into one of the most valuable tech companies on earth, Elizabeth Holmes discovered new and very imaginative ways of administering blood tests, which turned her into the richest person on earth, and Marissa Mayer has made Yahoo so profitable that it was able to buy both Apple and Google. I hear they are about to buy Amazon with this year’s profits! Man, those womyn in tech really know how to make a buck. It’s simply astonishing how fantastic a job women in tech are doing, which is obviously due to their far superior IQs. We have been doctoring with IQ tests for over a century to make sure that men and women have roughly equal outcomes on paper, even though it has been proven beyond any doubt that the average IQ of women would be two standard deviations to the right of the average male IQ, but we are no longer able to deal with truth in society.

This phenomenal string of successes of women just does not seem to end, and we are all better off as a consequence. The most recent example is Equifax, whose chief information officer (CIO) Susan Mauldin is responsible for leaking around 150 million records that pair the credit rating of every working adult in the US with his credit ratings. Now you may think that this is completely disastrous, but hold your horses, you misogynist little prick! As we all know, data wants to be free and nobody has anything to hide anyway. Besides, ID theft has only ever happened in the fever dreams of misogynist men, so there is really no reason to blame Susan Mauldin. Equifax, however, needs to work on its PR. Instead of speaking of a security breach, Susan Mauldin clearly pushed for a very advanced community-based data storage solution. Instead of Equifax being responsible for securing the data, now every Joe, Dick and Harry plays its part. As we all know, there is no such thing as ID theft, so there is no possible way this security breach could have any negative consequences. All those men panicking online because their SSN and credit rating are now publicly available should grow a pair or, much better, grow a pussy because they clearly are deficient and unable to operate in a world in which womyn in tech call the shots and redefine paradigms!!1 All those naysayers are surely white cis-male scum.

Some misogynists online called Susan Mauldin unqualified. How mean of them! Mean, mean, mean! Let’s just look at her LinkedIn, before it disappeared, and form our own opinion about her:

Now we see that Susan Mauldin of Equifax is not only breathtakingly beautiful, looking not a day older than 17, she’s also eminently qualified to be the Chief Information Officer of a giant corporation. Just recall her qualifications! Her career started with degrees in Music Composition at a shit-tier university, yet she still got into tech. This is no small feat! Stupid white men need to buckle down and attend good universities, such as Georgia Tech, and of course also graduate with a relevant degree, but Susan Mauldin was so smart that she could dabble in music at a party school in Georgia for an unspecified number of years and still get hired by a big tech corporation. If you were a man and went to one of the best music schools on earth, for instance Juilliard, you likely wouldn’t get hired as a techie, and rightly so, but womyn are so smart that it doesn’t seem to matter what they study, and they’ll get into tech. Even music at a crappy public university is fully sufficient. I guess it’s true what they say, namely that music is kind of the same as mathematics — because there are uneducated libshits who have no clue of mathematics and somehow think that a fugue of Bach is kind of like manipulating manifolds in higher dimensions.

Also, Susan Mauldin’s career is nothing short of astounding. While stupid white men slave away thanklessly at soul-crushing jobs, decade after decade, working on intricate technical problems, Susan Mauldin got the much more vaunted position of “professional” several times in a row. This surely is an attempt to hide the many outstanding technical roles she had at three organizations before finally getting a position she was incredibly overqualified for: Chief Information Officer.

Yup, guys, we can only throw in the towel. Affirmative action for women and minorities is a myth. We have seen, beyond any doubt, that Susan Mauldin is a technical genius. Men are just not cut out for working in tech. They wouldn’t even think of the genius idea of publicly releasing sensitive data of 150 million people.

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8 thoughts on “Equinox leaks 150m private data sets; CIO is female diversity hire

  1. I urge you to write a book about these problems with the above style of writing. It’s so much fun to read. I was laughing out loud reading every sentence. Who knows, you might be considered the next Esther Vilar who is a lot more funnier.

  2. Perhaps I am unfamiliar with the way CVs are written in the US these days, but what the hell is a “professional”? Is that an actual job description?

    1. No, it’s not. She tries to boost her CV, probably not realizing that everybody with an IQ above 90 sees right through her bullshit.

    2. Experian’s CISO (white male) has a background in geology. The problem with incompetence is industry wide, apparently.

  3. BTW didnt the swedish govt leak a catastrophic amount of secret info recently? The person in charge of that fiasco was a woman too

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