The absurdity of splitting up due to personality differences

My view on dating has changed quite radically over the last year or so. While I used to buy into the Western concept of “dating for fun”, where you meet someone, kind of get along, and then just give it a try, and nothing is ever serious, I have come to much more appreciate a conservative approach for finding a partner. A corner-stone of this approach is that, before you engage in any kind of sexual activity, you get to know each other.

In the Western world, it is quite common that people split up after a few years, citing “personal incompatibilities”. If this isn’t just a bogus reason, then I’d say we are faced with a severe societal problem. Just consider what it says about such a couple: they engaged in a long-term relationship without making an attempt to figure out beforehand whether they are compatible. Yes, of course, sexual compatibility is also part of a successful relationship, but, unsurprisingly, sex with someone you genuinely enjoy being with tends to get better. On the other hand, sex isn’t a suitable glue for a relationship between two people who shouldn’t be together because their personalities clash.

A more sensible approach is thus to figure out whether you are, in principle, compatible with the person you are dating. If you take this advice seriously, this implies that you will have many fewer relationships than you otherwise could have, based on the assumption that any reasonably complex person will have a hard enough time finding someone they are compatible with and also find sexually attractive. On the plus side, you won’t waste your time with relationships that are doomed from the get-go. If you wonder why the latter are a bad idea, then talk to the single mom who lives down your hallway, who decided to get knocked up by a drunk one-night stand because she’d rather have no partner and a child than being completely alone.

Dating should be seen as something very serious. How serious? Well, I think the goal should be to find a girl you are willing to marry and have kids with, and if that is your goal, then your bar should be a lot higher than it is for just getting laid. In an earlier post, I wrote that women who engage in sex quickly end up falling in love with the wrong guy. Chad downing five shots and banging two chicks every weekend stands a good chance making two women fall in love. It’s not so much Chad’s fault, though. Women spread their legs willingly for him, as they believe that sex is the only thing they have to offer. If Chad is smart, then he only pumps and dumps those women. Once he wants to settle down, he should pick a woman very carefully.

However, that is not how Western couples normally form. You go from physical attraction to not-entirely-horrible sex to, “Hey, we’re both horny, so let’s just try it!” The end result is a disaster for the woman as she is wasting her fertile years on Chad and Brad and twenty others like them. For guys, the issue is more due to perversions of the law, which may consider you legally married for merely cohabiting. Having to pay alimony for a woman is bad enough, but it’s nothing compared to having to pay alimony and child support. If you get out of a long-term relationship that was doomed from the start, due to “personality differences”, then count yourself lucky if you are not financially shackled to your ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. Next time, figure out beforehand whether your personality is compatible with any of the girls who are interested in you.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below, but keep the comment policy in mind.
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8 thoughts on “The absurdity of splitting up due to personality differences

  1. Aaron, have you not perhaps noticed that a person’s personality often changes? Even quite radically?

    I can say I observe this in you. Reading what you write today and what you thought just four short years ago is like reading the writings of two totally different people.

    So how exactly do you plan early on, for both of you changing a lot in completely opposite directions?

    1. Look at the bigger picture. I see no contradiction between writing about how to get laid with sluts and how sluts make poor girlfriends or wives.

  2. My view on dating has changed quite radically over the last year or so.

    I hope you find what you want. At the same time, don’t forget that some guys (myself included) never wanted a Long term relationship or children or marriage. In fact, I despise marriage. I don’t hate people who are married though but I ignore them.

  3. Marriage today isn’t really marriage. The deal has changed so much that it’s nothing like the old contract. Biblical marriage or traditional marriage are totally different from modern marriage. biblical and traditional marriage don’t exist anymore. It’s replaced with this monstrous new contract with the state. It’s a criminal extortion contract that’s basically blank. It doesn’t matter what the contract says. The only thing that matters is what a third party has to say about it when it’s terminated. The terms of the contract are only really determined after the contract has ended in divorce. With or without your consent. You never know what you sign up for. As i see it, marriage simply doesn’t exist anymore. The thing people call marriage today isn’t real marriage. It’s something totally different. It’s only the same in name. Government has replaced God in this contract. Signing a contract that gives government the position of God is just asking for trouble.

  4. Marriage is a life long contract where both man and woman agree to responsibility and roles. It’s a pledge before God. It’s a unbreakable contract by definition. The only reason you can terminate this contract is when the other party breaks the terms of the contract or dies. In modern day marriage there are no terms and responsibilities for the woman anymore. Only a cash payout when she changes her mind.

  5. In real marriage a woman agree’s to obey her husband and give him and only him the exclusive rights to her reproductive organ’s whenever he pleases. She has a duty to provide him with children and to care for them and her husband. Her husband in return has a duty to provide for her and protect her for life and lead her in the light of the lord. If you compare this with modern day marriage you’ll see that basically nothing remains. It’s nothing even close to the original contract. It’s not real marriage. Today a husband has no right to his wife reproductive organ’s. She can fuck whoever she wants. She can refuse her husband sex whenever she wants. She doesn’t have to obey or care for her husband. She has no responsibilities at all in modern day marriage. The only thing that’s the same is the responsibility of the man to provide financially. Sworn not before God. Sworn before the new all-mighty named government.

  6. Maybe before we have a discussion about marriage, we should try to define what the word marriage means. Are you talking about modern marriage? biblical marriage? traditional western marriage? islamic marriage? ancient greek marriage? People have different ideas about marriage and it’s meaning. To me marriage means a man owning a woman as his property. This is what marriage has been for thousands of years. If the woman isn’t his property then it’s not marriage but glorified prostitution. Modern day marriage is nothing but glorified prostitution to me. The man only rents the woman. And the government is her pimp.

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