My view on dating has changed quite radically over the last year or so. While I used to buy into the Western concept of “dating for fun”, where you meet someone, kind of get along, and then just give it a try, and nothing is ever serious, I have come to much more appreciate a conservative approach for finding a partner. A corner-stone of this approach is that, before you engage in any kind of sexual activity, you get to know each other.
In the Western world, it is quite common that people split up after a few years, citing “personal incompatibilities”. If this isn’t just a bogus reason, then I’d say we are faced with a severe societal problem. Just consider what it says about such a couple: they engaged in a long-term relationship without making an attempt to figure out beforehand whether they are compatible. Yes, of course, sexual compatibility is also part of a successful relationship, but, unsurprisingly, sex with someone you genuinely enjoy being with tends to get better. On the other hand, sex isn’t a suitable glue for a relationship between two people who shouldn’t be together because their personalities clash.
A more sensible approach is thus to figure out whether you are, in principle, compatible with the person you are dating. If you take this advice seriously, this implies that you will have many fewer relationships than you otherwise could have, based on the assumption that any reasonably complex person will have a hard enough time finding someone they are compatible with and also find sexually attractive. On the plus side, you won’t waste your time with relationships that are doomed from the get-go. If you wonder why the latter are a bad idea, then talk to the single mom who lives down your hallway, who decided to get knocked up by a drunk one-night stand because she’d rather have no partner and a child than being completely alone.
Dating should be seen as something very serious. How serious? Well, I think the goal should be to find a girl you are willing to marry and have kids with, and if that is your goal, then your bar should be a lot higher than it is for just getting laid. In an earlier post, I wrote that women who engage in sex quickly end up falling in love with the wrong guy. Chad downing five shots and banging two chicks every weekend stands a good chance making two women fall in love. It’s not so much Chad’s fault, though. Women spread their legs willingly for him, as they believe that sex is the only thing they have to offer. If Chad is smart, then he only pumps and dumps those women. Once he wants to settle down, he should pick a woman very carefully.
However, that is not how Western couples normally form. You go from physical attraction to not-entirely-horrible sex to, “Hey, we’re both horny, so let’s just try it!” The end result is a disaster for the woman as she is wasting her fertile years on Chad and Brad and twenty others like them. For guys, the issue is more due to perversions of the law, which may consider you legally married for merely cohabiting. Having to pay alimony for a woman is bad enough, but it’s nothing compared to having to pay alimony and child support. If you get out of a long-term relationship that was doomed from the start, due to “personality differences”, then count yourself lucky if you are not financially shackled to your ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. Next time, figure out beforehand whether your personality is compatible with any of the girls who are interested in you.