I’m still going through files that I have amassed over the last 5 to 10 years. While doing so, I unearthed anther article, which I completed but never posted anywhere. The context was that back then, some PUAtards wrote about “neediness management”, which I thought was yet another nonsensical concept. The claim was that guy need special “techniques” for handling the neediness they encounter whenever a girl shows just the slightest bit of interest. Here is my mildly edited post from 2010, which now finally sees the light of day.
I never really understood the discussion around “neediness management.” Of course, there is the community cliché of the guy who desperately wants to make the first girl he manages to “lay” his girlfriend, no matter what, only to revert to his old submissive self right afterwards. They are similar, on an abstract level, to horndogs who go after anything that walks. Such people exude desperation. It’s no surprise the women they interact with will lose interest fast. Girls don’t want to feel easily replaceable, and they also don’t want to feel as if the guy they are with is not attractive to other girls. Think about it: what would it say about a girl if she ended up with a guy no other girl wanted?
Extreme neediness boils down the ingrained belief that the girl you are interacting with may be your one shot in life to get a girlfriend. I kid you not, I have spoken to people who used those very words. Quite frankly, though, for unattractive guys there is some justification for that belief because if they don’t get their life in order, it will be very difficult for them to get girls. Extreme neediness is, in my opinion, a consequence of lack of experience. We’re talking about guys who are either virgins or who have barely ever had sex. However, there is another aspect: insecurity. Guys are needy because they think that without a girl they are deficient. Thus, the moment there is the chance, however remotely, that they could get a girl, they get a bit cray cray.
Once you have gotten to a level where you have gotten a fair amount of sex, you may realize that sex, as pleasant an experience as it may provide, may be great, but even if, for whatever reason, you don’t get laid, it’s not the end of the world either. Somehow, the unrealistic expectations of sex many young guys foster remind me of hype surrounding new movies or video games. A few trailers make salivating teenage boys believe that they really have to watch a certain movie, or play a certain upcoming game. That unknown quantity may be the best movie or game of all times — the ads say so, right? Such insanity should be cured through falling for a turd of a game or movie once or twice. Coming back to sex, I think that pursuing sex via one-night stands serves completely different purposes than having sex with your girlfriend. The former is an expression of your need of validation, more often than not, while in the latter, sex increases the romantic bond between you and the partner. After a few one-night stands, though, the need for validation may wear off.
Getting laid with random girls is, in my opinion, overrated. When I got to the point of living in literal “sexual abundance”, I couldn’t care less whether I got laid or not. My usual setup consisted of a regular girl in an open relationship, a “friend with benefits” I saw about once a week, and the occasional hookup. This lifestyle was fun for a while, but it didn’t take me long to get to the point where it almost felt like work. It was hard to sustain, and if you think the “player lifestyle” is nothing but great fun, then wait until you get to that point. You can get tired of no-strings-attached sex, and this most certainly has to do with the fact that the time investment for a one-night stand is rather significant. After a certain point, reading a good book may be more interesting than going to a club and pulling a girl.
I couldn’t care less whether I got laid or not, because I have seen it all, and I have achieved a level that by far exceeded my wildest dreams. Eventually game began to feel repetitive to me — What’s the point in having yet another five-minute bathroom pull? —, and I changed my focus to other aspects of my life. I suspect that similar experiences are one of the main reasons why pick-up and seduction, at least on more extreme levels, are only phases people go through. In the end, many want more than no-strings-attached sex, and begin to realise what that kind of sex really is: “just sex.” You may almost wonder what all the fuss was about.