Has anyone of you ever witnessed hen nights? You can be forgiven for thinking they only exist as a cliché in porn movies. Yet, they are very real. My first encounter with that phenomenon was many years ago when I was attending a conference in Oxford. They have the town vs gown thing going on at that place, and as I wasn’t a member of the university, I had to go to a “disco pub” for the plebs.
There, I witnessed something utterly bizarre. A mob of fat women descended upon that venue. They were very loud and pretty drunk. One nasty-looking chick was wearing a dildo around her neck. The bride-to-be was dragged from dude to dude. One of her ugly girlfriends told unsuspecting guys about the upcoming marriage and that her friend would now have “one last night of fun”. I spend some time observing them. Shortly after they sat down and got their drinks served, one of them dipped a dildo into her cocktail and deep-throated it, to the loud laughter of the group. I dimly recall seeing in the corner of my eye that that dildo went down a few more throats. (It was pretty gross.)
When they began dragging her drunk bride-to-be friend around the entire place, asking random guys if they want to pose with her — by letting her kneel in front of them and opening her mouth close to their crotch! — I had seen enough. One of those dudes clearly got sexually harassed as that woman grabbed his crotch and bit the fabric of his pants. I was wondering why nobody kicked them out, but I guess that’s how common people roll in England.
Probably not all hen nights are like this, but I’ve witnessed my fair share of groups of women who were way too drunk for such an event. The question, though, remains: who the hell is dumb enough to marry such women? In all seriousness, would you want to put a ring on a slut that a day ago staggered around town with a necklace made out of small neon-colored plastic cocks, falling into the arms of strangers, slurring something along the lines of, “I’m getting married tomorrow and I want to make out with you”, before the less shitfaced among her friends drag her off? Oh, and what is that about bachelorette parties where strippers get their dick sucked I hear? Man, Western women…