Bad versus healthy relationships

The other day I was bantering with a friend of mine. At one point, we were bullshitting each other about the possibility to quantify that great relationships with women are immensely better than poor ones. The implication is simply that a poor relationship drains you and makes you hate your life. On the other hand, a good woman is able to improve the quality of your life rather significantly.

Here’s a simple example: let’s say you’re a regular dude who has around four hours a day that are free of any obligations.

In option A) you have a shitty girlfriend. She nags, she wants to get entertained, she neither cooks nor cleans, and she causes a lot of problems that cost you time and energy to fix. You think this is an exaggeration? Go put your dick in a woman with a Cluster B personality disorder and be stupid enough to make her your girlfriend. Your spare time will evaporate. In addition, she will most likely manage to reduce your quality of life significantly in other aspects as well. You probably won’t be as productive at work if you had to hear that you’re a “fucking asshole” — because in last night’s dream you were flirting with another woman. (No, this is nothing I made up. I was once with a girl who gave me shit because of something she dreamt about. There are a lot of crazy women out there.)

In option B) you have a fucking amazing girlfriend. She absolutely never argues with you, and never interferes with your life. Instead, she is a genuinely positive force in your life. She is smart so she helps you see complex issues in a different light. If you feel tired, she may surprise you with a massage, for instance. In addition, you both adopt to each other and make an effort to support each other. For instance, how much longer does it take to cook a meal for two instead of one? With a helpful and pleasant girlfriend around, you probably feel better in general. There are no arguments, and there is no need to worry that she did something incredibly stupid while you were away. Instead, your life runs a little bit, or a lot, smoother.

Option C) would be a self-sufficient guy who is fine on his own and who has neither a nagging bitch nor a super-amazing girl in his life. He is fine as he is. Let’s say his level of happiness is a neutral 0. If he ends up in scenario A, a numerical evaluation of his happiness will be a large negative number. In option B it will be the opposite. The difference between A and B is indeed staggering. In the extreme it is one between being a walking zombie, due to PTSD-like symptoms that were triggered by an abuse partner, and being a happy dude who has his life together and in addition has a great girl who is supportive.

If your girlfriend is not in category B, you better drop her asap.

2 thoughts on “Bad versus healthy relationships

  1. A healthy relationship in one which provides mutual benefits to both parties. It is always curious how often people forget this once they are in a relationship. If you dig into a lot of relationship train wrecks, these things do not usually turn on a dime, but instead, follow a steady downward trajectory. The amazing thing is how people in them either never notice, or only do so after a considerable length of time.

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